"Why me? Why this life?"
These are questions I often ask myself. As long as I am mortally bound to this planet, these questions shall plague my thoughts. I am at this point in my life where nothing seems to make sense, where every action I take has the opposite effect to what I planned them to be. The dreams I had as a child have slowly begun to fade into oblivion that it seems futile to even expect something from life.
A very close friend of mine recently told me, and I paraphrase, "Don't try to have high expectations. Everything will fall into place, in the end. Trust me." He had a zen-like calm about him when he said that, which surprised me, considering that he always seemed to lack any enthusiasm about his current situation. I countered his statement, but deep down I knew he was right. We've reached that bridge of disappointment, where the torrents of life rapidly flow by and we just can't help but stop and comment on how lethargic we have become due to decisions that were taken which were not our own.
Yet, despite my seemingly humdrum existence, I have moments of peace and laughter. Along with others who profess to have similar circumstances, we find the time to come together and revel in our small 'victories'. To see their smiles and hear them laugh, it's what I live for these days. To bask in their happiness, or anyone else's for that matter.
Someone else said, "When you see someone without a smile, give them yours." I vow that's exactly what I'll do.
I've had a string of rotten days where I question my purpose in life.
---------
(I just remembered, the close friend I paraphrased at the beginning of this post would often reiterate in apathy and anguish, "What is the purpose of life?!" It was the way he always said it that made me smile. Just wanted to share that.)
---------
But my guilt would immediately overwhelm me when someone else would be bogged down because of my rotten mood. So, even if I'm depressed, the least I can do is Smile. Be it to my friends, family, the security guard, heck, even to complete strangers. If I can get them to smile back at me, that would be my reward. And that in turn would make me happy.
Smiles are infectious to most. And in my quest, I've witnessed numerous smiles of shapes and sizes:
#1 The thin straight line across the face that doesn't quite reach the eyes, usually given by passers-by along my walks around town or the cashier whenever I buy groceries.
#2 The half-smiles of people who want others to know that they are going through hell, but try to seem brave about it.
#3 The slightly crooked and cocky smile of the receptionist or the woman at the office in college, who just can't wait to be rid of her duties of attending to disgruntled students, issuing their certificates and collecting their fees.
#4 The all-knowing and couldn't-care-less smile of acquaintances who've already been wished by a gazillion people on their birthdays.
#5 The warm and generous smile of the cook when I compliment and appreciate his cooking. (The dishes he prepares are phenomenal, by the way!)
#6 The 100-watt smiles of family and friends who are genuinely happy to see me. These are accompanied by twinkling eyes and a slightly elevated pitch in their voices. While I love to see these smiles, there is another kind that trumps them all.
#7 The I-Know-What-You-Are-Thinking-And-Laughing-With-You smile. At first it wouldn't seem much. But you know what is when you look across the table and your friend catches your eye, and at that instant, both of your brainwaves are in total sync. It's like you've mentally passed a secret message that nobody else in the same breathing space noticed. You exchange a small and quick mischievous smile. And then BOOM! You each burst out laughing. Others around you sigh in confusion and exasperation as to how they are ever friends with two silly psychos.
It's rare to find such people. But when you do, you are blessed. I know I am. Even more so because I have more than just one as my dear and close friends. It's come to the point where I have to see them everyday. Even if it seems that life has been sucked out of our very core, I'm instantly happy when I see them at the end of the day. And when I do, there is an endless supply of smiles and laughter.
These are questions I often ask myself. As long as I am mortally bound to this planet, these questions shall plague my thoughts. I am at this point in my life where nothing seems to make sense, where every action I take has the opposite effect to what I planned them to be. The dreams I had as a child have slowly begun to fade into oblivion that it seems futile to even expect something from life.
A very close friend of mine recently told me, and I paraphrase, "Don't try to have high expectations. Everything will fall into place, in the end. Trust me." He had a zen-like calm about him when he said that, which surprised me, considering that he always seemed to lack any enthusiasm about his current situation. I countered his statement, but deep down I knew he was right. We've reached that bridge of disappointment, where the torrents of life rapidly flow by and we just can't help but stop and comment on how lethargic we have become due to decisions that were taken which were not our own.
Yet, despite my seemingly humdrum existence, I have moments of peace and laughter. Along with others who profess to have similar circumstances, we find the time to come together and revel in our small 'victories'. To see their smiles and hear them laugh, it's what I live for these days. To bask in their happiness, or anyone else's for that matter.
Someone else said, "When you see someone without a smile, give them yours." I vow that's exactly what I'll do.
I've had a string of rotten days where I question my purpose in life.
---------
(I just remembered, the close friend I paraphrased at the beginning of this post would often reiterate in apathy and anguish, "What is the purpose of life?!" It was the way he always said it that made me smile. Just wanted to share that.)
---------
But my guilt would immediately overwhelm me when someone else would be bogged down because of my rotten mood. So, even if I'm depressed, the least I can do is Smile. Be it to my friends, family, the security guard, heck, even to complete strangers. If I can get them to smile back at me, that would be my reward. And that in turn would make me happy.
Smiles are infectious to most. And in my quest, I've witnessed numerous smiles of shapes and sizes:
#1 The thin straight line across the face that doesn't quite reach the eyes, usually given by passers-by along my walks around town or the cashier whenever I buy groceries.
#2 The half-smiles of people who want others to know that they are going through hell, but try to seem brave about it.
#3 The slightly crooked and cocky smile of the receptionist or the woman at the office in college, who just can't wait to be rid of her duties of attending to disgruntled students, issuing their certificates and collecting their fees.
#4 The all-knowing and couldn't-care-less smile of acquaintances who've already been wished by a gazillion people on their birthdays.
#5 The warm and generous smile of the cook when I compliment and appreciate his cooking. (The dishes he prepares are phenomenal, by the way!)
#6 The 100-watt smiles of family and friends who are genuinely happy to see me. These are accompanied by twinkling eyes and a slightly elevated pitch in their voices. While I love to see these smiles, there is another kind that trumps them all.
#7 The I-Know-What-You-Are-Thinking-And-Laughing-With-You smile. At first it wouldn't seem much. But you know what is when you look across the table and your friend catches your eye, and at that instant, both of your brainwaves are in total sync. It's like you've mentally passed a secret message that nobody else in the same breathing space noticed. You exchange a small and quick mischievous smile. And then BOOM! You each burst out laughing. Others around you sigh in confusion and exasperation as to how they are ever friends with two silly psychos.
It's rare to find such people. But when you do, you are blessed. I know I am. Even more so because I have more than just one as my dear and close friends. It's come to the point where I have to see them everyday. Even if it seems that life has been sucked out of our very core, I'm instantly happy when I see them at the end of the day. And when I do, there is an endless supply of smiles and laughter.
